Guest Post By: Ngoc N of San Jose Food Blog
San Jose Food Blog showcases restaurants in the Silicon Valley area with some posts about cooking at home. I also write food reviews for SanJose.com.
A mom friend tells me there’s a cartoon in the nursing room at her company that says, “Whoever said ‘Don’t cry over spilt milk’ was obviously never a breastfeeding mother.” She tells me this at a lunch with another mom friend while the three of us sat there smelling faintly of maple syrup from the fenugreek lactation supplements we were taking and wondering when that last glass of sangria would be out of our system so it was safe to pump or nurse again. These are the thoughts that consume my mind these days. And I have definitely cried over spilt milk.
Before baby’s arrival, I took the breastfeeding 101 course, I read the blogs, and I downloaded the nursing app. None of these things prepared me for the pain of breastfeeding. Lactation consultants and nurses visited me in the hospital multiple times a day, watching me latch and giving me tips, but I still had bloody blistered nipples. My milk was slow to come in and baby was jaundiced, hungry, and losing weight. We supplemented with formula and I went home from the hospital engorged. A week later, I quit nursing altogether for the next 6 weeks.
Thus began my stint of exclusive pumping and bottle feeding. Developing my supply required power pumping and taking supplements that caused baby and me to fart up a storm. One late night in a blurry eyed and butter finger haze, I spilled 10 CC’s of liquid gold down the sink while trying to transfer it to a storage container. It was a lot of milk for me at the time and you bet I cried. Every time I’m at the pump a wave of dread comes over me. It wasn’t about not spending time with my baby as I pumped or having to wash and sterilize plastic things all day; it was literally about feeling like a milked cow producing milk all day every day. Trying to determine how much milk to bottle feed was also a challenge since I didn’t know about pace feeding. We ended up overfeeding quite a bit before finding the right balance. It took 5 weeks for my supply to match baby’s demands. We finished off the last of the formula and I could proudly say my baby was fed 100% breast milk!
At the 8 week mark, I decided to try having baby re-latch – the myth that most lactation consultants tell you isn’t going to happen after you’ve introduced a bottle too soon. I made sure he was fed a full bottle an hour before, and had another bottle available in the fridge in case nursing didn’t work out. Well lucky me I had a cooperative baby who re-latched with much struggle of course. He fussed at the slow flow and spent 30 minutes or more per side. He eventually became better at nursing so he gets full off 10-15 minutes per side now. Just when I finally experienced the special bond of nursing, baby has recently learned to bite. Oh the joys of a toothless little jaw clamping down on an already tender nubbin of flesh. And then he looks at me like, “Did I do that?”
Now I’m back at work, pumping during the day and nursing when I get home. The combination of not nursing often, using a weaker travel sized pump, and wearing a bra that’s probably the wrong size gives me regular milk blebs and clogged ducts. Nothing is quite as uncomfortable as sitting through meetings with a rock hard inflamed lump in your boob. If I have the time, I do extra long pumping sessions to clear out the clog. If not, I live with it through the day until I can come home and have baby nurse it out. The milked cow feelings are back again accompanied by that tinge of panic each time I bring home a few CC’s less than the previous day’s yield. I agonize over what I had done differently that day or previous night to cause a dip in supply. I only take fenugreek at home now because I don’t want to be the flatulent coworker. We all have one of these at the office, the guy who eats too many refried beans for lunch. Well, it ain’t gon’ be me.
Many women are fighting to normalize breastfeeding in public, while many others are struggling just to be able to do it. The argument that it’s such a natural part of motherhood and our ancestors have been doing it since the dawn of time somehow don’t make it any easier for many of us. Whether you are fully or partially breastfeeding, the struggle is real. Trying to give your baby the “perfect food” is not easy. I have never encountered an adult who felt resentful of his/her mother for not exclusively breastfeeding. Giving love is much easier and free. Your kids will remember it more. So to all you working mothers out there, keep calm and pump on!
Need more breastfeeding and breast pump advice? Chat with moms and moms-to-be like you. Download the free Preggie app now.
